i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
