i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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