Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
