He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
im on a boat
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