So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
