When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
