HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
