my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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