Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How does one acquire holy water?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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