So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
