You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
