I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
