Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
