All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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