I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
