Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just had sex bonerless
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
