Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
