you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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