Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
