I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
