before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
