Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im holly from the hills drunk
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
