i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
