Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
