12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sext me about skeletons
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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