He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
