Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
