You're so nebulous sometimes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
