Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
