dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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