I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
