I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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