She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
