were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
