I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
