Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
