More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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