I never want to see another naked old woman again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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