my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
