i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
