put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
