and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
