Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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