My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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