Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
