Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
