grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
