My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
