I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
