Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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