I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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