What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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