And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
